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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24694141">Hail Mary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ty_R_Bluent/pseuds/Ty_R_Bluent'>Ty_R_Bluent</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Epilepsy, F/M, I'll come up with more later?, Quote: Saving people hunting things (Supernatural), Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Service Dogs, saving people</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:49:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24694141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ty_R_Bluent/pseuds/Ty_R_Bluent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth “Eli” Morgan (And any one of her other assorted fake IDs) is best known as Ellie Ross the psychic throughout the hunting world. Of course she already has her own problems - the classic laundry list that comes with hunting, and powers she’s still trying to figure out. Not to mention that she needs a (real/fake) service dog to help her out. </p><p>	Becoming the Winchester Bro’s fulltime babysitter (or maid, depending on the day for those two) was not supposed to be one of them.<br/>For all she cared she’d been minding her own business before they crash-landed at her feet. She knew it’d end up being one hell of a Hail Mary to make it outta this by the skin of her teeth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Ellen Harvelle/William Harvelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>God help me these first two posts and just the beginning of this already sounds like it's on crack. Honestly, that might be my brain finally admitting madness and craving sleep. </p><p>to any of my Faultless people (and just everyone in general): This is like my side chick, it's not really my main chick right now. Faultless is still my main work -- I just need a teeny tiny break from the real heavy planning and action. This happened to be sitting in my documents for about a year now (though I wouldn't publish it), so I decided to give it a go. I kinda missed creating strong, badass, lead female characters. Ya girl here needs to step away from the mess of feelings and testosterone that is about to be the next chapter of Faultless.</p><p>Hope ya like it?? *pretty please tell your friends?*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>                        - Then-    {1984} </em>
</p><p> </p><p>     The screaming had stopped a long time ago. Mama’s friend had gotten really scary. That was when Mama brought her here, to hide in the closet. In this place, the shadow monsters and anything scary didn’t exist. She’d told the young girl to stay quiet and wait for her, Daddy, or a friend.</p><p>     Now the yelling and loud noises no longer echoing through the walls. Mama had said it was safe, laid down a line of salt, and shut the door. </p><p><em> “Everything will be okay, baby. It’ll be just fine.” </em>Her smile was nice, but it was all wrong. Her eyes didn’t sparkle. The blue of Mama’s eyes didn’t have the same smile. </p><p>    That had been forever ago. Of course, right after the bad stuff had started happening. The screaming, she could even smell something smoldering. Now the footsteps coming up the stairs made her shake. When the closet door opened, nothing bad popped out. The figure looming beyond the door was big and really tall. The man crouched down to her level. His hair was dark, but eyes so blue and kind. He was like a giant teddy bear. Like a good friend. </p><p>    “Hey sweetheart,” he smiled gently, slowly reaching out. He felt warm and safe before she ever jumped into his arms. There was no hate or malice. He was a good man, she knew. Liz let her arms wrapped around his neck as he picked her up. His beard tickled her cheek. </p><p>    “My name’s Lizzy.” </p><p>    “Hey there, Lizzy. My name’s Bill.” </p><p>    “Are you gonna take me home?” Not here. Home was no longer this place. Mama said that bad things don’t happen at home.  </p><p>    He rubbed her back. “Yeah, yeah I will Lizzy.” </p><p> </p><p>     Of course, CPS didn’t see it that way. Or that was what the kinda nice lady said she worked for. Lizzy tried to be good for these people, but she didn’t like a single one. Mama always said that strangers didn’t always like her gift or sickness. They placed her in a foster home for weeks. She didn’t like it there. They didn’t understand the gifts that her mother was teaching her about. These people didn’t even talk about it. They didn’t understand the consequences and neither did she. Mama hadn’t gotten to that lesson yet. Lizzy would never like or get adjusted to life with the foster family. No matter how many times they said she would. So she stayed silent. These people didn’t seem to like sick kids anyway. They raised their voices a lot too even when Lizzy hardly did anything wrong. There was never anything to talk about anyway. Though Bill had seemed to understand her. More than these people anyway. She wished that CPS lady would have let him take her home. He had said he would. </p><p>     It all changed one night during supper. The now not-so-nice lady who brought her here had come over to talk about Lizzy’s new family. It had been a while since one of Mama’s lesions, so she knew something bad was coming. These people would be mad at her. It seemed like a lot of adults were anymore. These people were her fake family anyway. Lizzy was pushing the food around her plate, before trying to take a sip of her water. But the glass slipped from her hand, leaving shards and water scattered on the floor. Lizzy hadn’t meant it, but her fake parents were already getting angry. Her head was funny and her limbs felt weird and heavy. The adults no longer sounded angry. Someone screamed, and for once, she knew it wasn’t her. She heard her name on repeat before everything went dark. </p><p> </p><p>    She woke up to a consistent beeping beside her. </p><p>    “I understand if you want to back out now. There was no record of epilepsy in the files we had on hand.” </p><p>    “That is the last thing I intend to do. My wife would feel the same.” </p><p>    “I’ll take it from here.” A new voice joined in and the kinda mean lady went away. “Everything’s in order Bill. I have someone already working around the system so you shouldn’t be bothered. Liz is all yours. I’ll make sure that this job is all tidied up.” </p><p>    She was scared, but hearing Bill’s voice helped calm her. That annoying beeping sound sped up. When she opened her eyes Bill was by her side, calming and soothing. </p><p>    “Hey, Lizzy.” His smile was warm. When he offered his arms she clung to him. “You wanna go home?” </p><p>    “Yes,” she squeaked. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two for one cause they're both kinda short..... They were already written and in a way the next one is too - just gotta actually had more plot to it. </p><p>Hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>- Now</span>
  </em>
  <span> -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna ask you one more time. Please let in my dog.” She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>trying not to deck this guy. It was getting harder by the minute. She was only human. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really aren’t in the position to be asking for things, Miss Morgan. Or should I call you Eli?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pinched the bridge of her nose. She was getting sick of this dumbass. “If you’re gonna be rude, get it right. Eli like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ellie, </span>
  </em>
  <span>asshole. But it’s Liz to you. And last I checked, I’m not even under arrest. Am I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still under consideration.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you last Wednesday?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At the motel room, like I told you the last hundred times. I was on the phone with my uncle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Discussing what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Liz wanted to punch this bastard so bad. Right now she had the damn patience of a saint trying not to fucking murder anyone in the damned precinct. Of course, that would destroy her track record and not help her right now. “I had a seizure. I call him after nearly everyone. I had been talking with him before it happened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are no records of an ambulance dispatched to your motel's area.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? Check the stupid cameras, my car didn’t leave the lot. It wasn’t that bad. I’d have no money if I went to the hospital every time. Insurance would be a bitch.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or a fake medical condition to hide your whereabouts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slammed a fist into the table, shoving her wrist in his face. The bracelet that pronounced her as epileptic nearly touching his nose. “You think I wear this for fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Got up one day and decided I needed a seizure alert dog? Oh, and by the way, I have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have him in here with me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s called the ADA, jackass. Americans with disabilities act. You should know it, you’re a cop. Y’know because </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>should be protecting that right. Or… maybe you’re faking it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a real comedian Elizabeth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While we’re on the topic of rights, I invoke my right to leave. Have a nice fucking day.” She made a little mocking bow as she stood up. Her smile bitter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d have to insist you sit back down.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s real simple Duce,” she ticked it off on her fingers. “You find some charge that sticks, arrest me, and read me my rights. I ask for a lawyer. Last I checked you monkeys have no charge against me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t have a lawyer present.” Eli huffed. “My mother didn’t raise a moron.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cop before her swallowed hard. He had introduced himself, but she didn’t bother to remember his name. He had given her a headache to rival Texas. Her eyelid twitched and a funky taste had filled her mouth. There was scratching at the door that stopped detective douche from any further comment. Toby suddenly started barking his warning from the other side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, not again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again?” Dumbass questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli felt her jaw tighten as her eyelid fluttered. She had enough time to use one hand to shove the chair away, the other to support her against the table. Her knees locked as she closed her eyes. When she blinked again she was on the floor. Dumbass holding her shoulders as he called out for help. This was about to be freaking terrible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-Toby… c-call-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone for the love of God let the dog in! Who do I need to call?” He sounded fucking concerned now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-u-uncle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby nosed the man away before the tremors kicked into full gear. The light was fucking unbearable. All sounds and movements came in clips and jumps. The only thing Eli could fully register besides pain was Toby maneuvering his body beneath her head. The rest of her waking moments were a complete shit storm in a blur. It all stopped when she sank into the blessed darkness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew she was in the hospital long before she could see or hear anything. Depending on the place, the very smell of antiseptic could be so strong it could be tasted. This happened to be one of those places. It never helped that her stomach was almost always upset after an episode. The furry mass next to her shifted before letting out a whine. Thankfully there was an accordion bag shoved in front of her right before Eli lost all contents of her stomach. Another heave before hands helped turn her on her side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking Ativan?” Eli asked once she regained her breath. Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> this happened. She knew what drug they gave her simply by the reaction she had. Eli kept her eyes shut, hoping the fluorescent wouldn’t burn them from her skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already gave ‘em an earful about it. Pretty sure the first doc assigned to you went home crying to his mother. Chief of medicine here had ‘nough sense to assign someone else to your case. ‘Course that was after I brought up lawsuits- same said for the officer. Police have backed off your case.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Is there anywhere I can have it put down that I’m allergic to it? Maybe then hospitals would stop fucking giving it to me.” She started pawing at her wrist, nearing panic when she couldn’t find her bracelet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Already got that taken care of. They have some guy in today to engrave stuff for people. Hospital mumbo-jumbo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed, finally prying her eyes open. “Thanks, Bobby.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His ballcap was crumpled in his hand. “You do know you scare the shit out of me every time I get this call?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Her hand manages to snake into Toby’s beige fur. “Hey Tobes, how’d uncle Bobby sneak you in?” Toby wiggled closer, resting his head on the pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually told the security guard the truth. He looked the other way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli wiggled her nose. The cannula itched, but she didn’t have the strength or coordination to mess with it. Besides the fact Bobby would snap at her. “Hear that Tobes? You’re just too adorable to say no to.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby sneezed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re disgusting.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tail started to thump against the bed. Molten brown eyes looked up at her in a classic puppy-like fashion</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli groaned. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Men</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you're still here holly cow thank you. I don't like begging but do please consider taking your time for a simple or brief comment. It's like inspiration and drive in a tiny little box of text.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Real service, fake dog.</p><p> Sounds like the start of a really bad joke.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heyo, the side story is back xD </p><p>In my own defense, This chapter and like a good half of the next one have already been pre-written (like a year ago.... just sitting in my docs with a note that I'd probably never publish it) ---- basically sounds like the start of the majority of the stories I have on here. It's nice to somewhat keep up the flow of writing and not have to fully think about plot --- or about the 100 different code names for shit and their meanings.... I did that to myself - I will suffer with it. Speaking of --- main character goes by a shit ton of nicknames and only a few false names</p><p>Also, thank you to the entire 14 people reading.... like seriously - thank you for putting up with my bullshit &lt;3</p><p>aaaannnyyyywaaayyyy -- here be another chapter, hope y'all enjoy and see ya in the next one!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Toby lay on the floor by her feet. He was curled up and still in the way he’d been trained. It was early morning, the sun not even up yet. Eli kept her hands in a neat ball in her lap, poised with patience and grace. She wanted to squirm but knew there was an image she had to uphold here to get even an inch of leverage. “Have you been seeing Abby, Mr.Mathews?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but can you tell me again why you’re here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem. I’m here to help souls move on. Help them communicate what they may not have the ability to say - to do. I just feel unrest here. I’m hoping to help you in any way I can, like the other families.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So a medium. A psychic or whatever, who talks to ghosts?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty much, yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just finding this a little hard to believe. Or even how you can ‘help’ me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright if you’d like I can give you the numbers of two people who helped me. They both have their own respective businesses. If you’d prefer they could pick up where I left off, but I must warn you they don’t… quite have the skill set that I do.” She took in a breath. Toby twitched an ear her way. “In my experience, when something like this happens so suddenly, it helps to say goodbye.” She bit her tongue, trying to keep her composure. Toby shifted slightly so his snout was against her leg. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean ‘gift’? That’s what anyone else who scams money calls it. You seem to have the business end down, and right to the dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t. So you know this job doesn’t pay well. You certainly won’t be handing any bills to me. It isn’t a gift, not what I do. If anything it's a damn curse.” She pushed a few dark waves from her face. “As for Toby, he’s here to help me. Make sure I don’t go too deep and hurt myself. Also here to make sure I don’t get hurt if the tremors start.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tremors?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli wasn’t too keen on speaking to people about this. She hesitated, normally trying to avoid this part. The truth never hindered her before. She showed him the bracelet that hardly left her wrist. “Epilepsy. Had it since I was a girl. Promised my parents I’d always wear this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…” Mr.Mathews deflated a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, take my card.” Eli pulled one out of her blazer’s pocket. “Take your time and call me for anything. I have a meeting with the officers on the case. You could speak with the other families, or even throw my card away. I’ll be here for a while if you do decide to call. Thank you for listening, Mr.Mathews.” She stood, extending her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man still seemed a little shell shocked as he took the offered shake and showed her to the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you know I’d be up?” He finally asked, standing in the doorway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just knew. Not just my ‘gift’ but from personal experience.” With that, she offered a kind smile before continuing to her car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli waiting until she was back at the Bed and Breakfast before she picked up her phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Came the gruff answer as she unlocked the door and Toby trotted into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello to you too sunshine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Damnit Liz.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bobby grumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, save it. I saw the messages, you worrywart. Didn’t know I needed a nanny.” She shut the door with her hip. “You do remember I have a fully trained, state of the art service dog? He ain’t cross-eyed stupid with $10,000 worth of training.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well apparently someone needs to keep tabs on you after that last jail-hospital stint.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That cop was itchin’ to pin anybody down with whatever he could and you know it. Especially the weird-ass ‘hoodoo lady’ who was a complete stranger.” She grabbed hold of her wiggling dog, taking off his service vest and unhooking the leash. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You took off so fast I gotta make sure you ain’t doin’ something stupid.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haven’t gotten that far. Also, I high-tailed it away from your nannying. I didn’t need a nurse-maid when I was ten, I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>need one now. You and I both know that you don’t treat anyone else like this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t have to </span>
  </em>
  <span>worry </span>
  <em>
    <span>about any other idjit hunter like this. This is a job your husband should be doin’, what does he think of this?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby panted something akin to a laugh as he sat next to the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up you ass.” Eli gritted through her teeth. She picked up her duffle and set out two shirts and a nice pair of dark pants.  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So, in other words, he don’ know. You call me every time that happens instead of him?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You asked for it. Besides my husband has other things to worry about. This isn’t anything new… or that’ll go away. He’s my emergency contact for if something terrible happens.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Let me guess, you two idjits agreed to that fool idea for each of ya’?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. Now, you gonna ask about my day, mother?” Eli grabbed her duffle and went through her clothes to find something fresher for that morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fine, I’ll bite.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I- or rather, Ellie Ross is pretty damn good at getting info for this case.” She grabbed a hanger from the closet and hooked it on the bathroom door. “Just to ease the mind of an old grump back home, I’m happy to be back on the job. Like riding a bike.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Besides the 60 different names you go by,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Bobby grunted on the other end. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You were hardly even here for three days.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not my fault my full name is Elizabeth. I gotta get creative sometimes with the nickname, then I knew whos calling me. And trust me Toby couldn’t handle being at your place another day.” Eli shook her head. “It was a semi-mild seizure. Nothing I haven’t gone through before. I only went to the hospital ‘cause that cop was about to piss his pants. I got my two days max of R &amp; R. Seriously. I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, you floppin’ on the ground like a fuckin’ fish - foaming at the mouth is</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine</span>
  <em>
    <span>, Liz”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Bobby grumbled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Since you’re so on top of things now I guess I don’t have to give you a heads up on the hunters headed your way.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha-what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Naw, you got everything handled. Tiptop shape and everythin’.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bobby you senile bastard!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she got was a chuckle and the dial tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby’s tail thumped against the floor. He hid his snout against his paws to hide his amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, keep laughing and I won’t feel bad about using the muzzle and attach your leash to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The effect took place instantly as Toby froze all movement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I thought.” She headed toward the bathroom, finally pulling off her shoes. “Oh and Tobes, try not to drool everywhere. We don’t need a repeat of Tulsa.” With that, she closed the door and turned on the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli tucked the towel around her and opened the door so the steam could collect elsewhere. She paused at the sound of footsteps and the one chair in the room scraping against the wood floor. Pure instinct had her reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there as she spotted the man sitting at the tiny ass table. She kept close to the door to hide her shadow as the sun finally filtered through the blinds. His dark brown hair all spiked up and only in a blue pair of shorts. He hadn’t a care in the world as he munched into the cheeseburger that Eli put in the fridge the afternoon prior. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still swear I’m gonna fucking shoot you one of these days. Thank everything I broke the habit of knives and guns in the bathroom after Tucson.” Eli took hold of the other towel to dry her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man grunted and offered a wide smile, taking another bite of his prize. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And fuck you, Toby. I was saving that! Toby. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Toby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, bad dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is hurtful, Elizabeth. Saving this, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>breakfast</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? Well suck it. You need to remember that you have a dog who likes to eat too. Thank god you still like your burgers bloody.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I try. Last time I got dog food you spit it out.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t forget when you’re still rubbing my nose in it.” Toby pouted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, because we both had to suffer through two </span>
  <em>
    <span>months </span>
  </em>
  <span>of training so our asses are covered from a legal standpoint. I almost had up in a two-week program. But nooooo, five I-owe-yous out the damn window and ten grand later here we are. Even though I like to joke about it the only takeaways we have are registration papers and the crackpot line of ‘yes, of course, he’s a service dog. The perfect mix of real service, fake dog.’” Eli had made her way back to the bathroom, pulling on her pants and undergarments. “Sounds like the start of a really bad fucking joke.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is a really bad fuckin’ joke. It’s our lives. Plus that poor old lady thought I was underfed. Too bad she had to get crap food. None of you asshole two legs get to taste that chemical bullshit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You complain about every brand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Untrue. Purina and Blue were good. Oh! I really like the one with the wolf on it. The food was good but I kinda liked the bag more. It was like I had a mini friend.” Toby perked up, nearly forgetting the last two bites of the burger. His grin was the type that always accompanied tail-wagging. At least Liz finally knew why he carried that bag around with him for three months. “But I will never stop bitching about Beneful. Ever.” Pseudo-tail wagging was taken over by the broody face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eli never had the heart to tell him it was cuter than anything else. “I can agree with that part.” She made her way over to the bed, picking up two blouses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby harrumphed before finishing off his food. “People really need to understand what they buy for ‘food’. If it looks like something you’d give a freaking toddler… </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>give it to the dog.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d scratch behind your ear, but we do have a case.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The light-peach one. That plus your brown leather jacket and boots. Still medium-look-a-like and semi-formal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at the fact that my dog is more stylish than I am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby picked up his collar from the table and tossed it to the bed. “Let’s forgo that part of our ‘style’ today, fewer things for tiny children to grab. Also, not my fault that I’m the only one ever listening to your stylist.” He itched at his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, I would hardly call Pamela a stylist.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And there is another person you don’t listen to often.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can it Fido. Or else I’ll allow my husband to change your tags to Zep like he wanted when he first met you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remind me to bite him next time I see him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather not have to put up with two dogs. Especially not two familiars. It’s bad enough I already have you. Oh yeah, a friendly reminder of wherever you decide to change the number of paws you have. There are a lot of hunters who shoot first and ask questions later.” She pulled on her boots and zipped them up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” She put on deodorant before pulling on her jacket. “Since you ate my food you might wanna dog-out to grab breakfast.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Toby hummed as he stood, sifting through Eli’s purse. “You didn’t sleep much last night - and that perfumed deodorant isn’t blocking the smell. All service, fake dog.” He found the pill bottle and tossed it to her before shoving a water bottle in her hand. “Woof.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, she hated when he was right. </span>
</p>
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